


Of Names and Mirrors

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Pacifica, partially vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:06:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He looked into the mirror. She looked back.</p><p>And it was terrifying.</p><p>No matter where he went, he couldn't escape her. Couldn't avoid her. He never saw her blink, and she never left him alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Names and Mirrors

He looked into the mirror. She looked back.  
  
And it was terrifying.  
  
No matter where he went, he couldn't escape her. Couldn't avoid her. He never saw her blink, and she never left him alone.  
  
Nobody knew who he was. But they knew her, better than anything.  
  
Because they created her.  
  
He couldn't let them know he existed.  
  
If he did, he knew he'd face much worse than that infernal bell.  
  
To be honest, even he wasn't quite sure who he was. But he knew who he wasn't.  
  
He wasn't that blonde girl in the mirror. Even if they said he was.  
  
She had to be perfect. She had to be cruel. To care for none that were not her blood. To act in exactly the right ways and be seen with exactly the right people in exactly the right places.  
  
He had to be her.  
  
But he was kind, playful... uncouth. He didn't behave the way they said he should.  
  
At least, not naturally. That was why they used the bell, of course.  
  
So that he would be her. As if a person's entire being was something that could be forced into whatever another desired.  
  
As if a person was a fashion accessory, destined only to make whoever owned them look good.  
  
She was Pacifica Northwest, and he had no name.  
  
He hadn't dared to think about names.  
  
He couldn't dare to face her.  
  
She wasn't needed yet, and so he covered the mirror with silk, and sat in his overly elaborate room. Thinking.  
  
Thinking thoughts that were far too dangerous.  
  
Thinking about everything he wasn't, and what he might be.  
  
He knew he shouldn't, for his own sake.  
  
Avoiding it wasn't healthy either, he knew, but simply being him would have terrible consequences.  
  
Terrible _immediate_ consequences, as opposed to ones that would develop slowly over years, like a tree being shaped by the wind and rain.  
  
A tree. A tree like on the other boy's hat. The only one who, for a few hours, got to know who he really was.  
  
To an extent.  
  
He still answered to her name. He didn't have one of his own, because what use was a name if no one would use it?  
  
And to tell anyone his name would be to be himself, which would have dire consequences. So it was best not to have a name of his own.

He was lucky he even knew this could be possible. That he might not be crazy. He had seen movies and heard whispers.

He was still very uninformed, but it was better than nothing, and he didn't want his parents seeing his internet history if he were to look up such things. Didn't want to know what they'd do to him.

Nonetheless, the urge had struck. The urge to know why he felt this way. Why things were this way.

But he refrained.

Every time, he had refrained.

He would this time too.

Sighing, he walked quietly towards his overly elaborate bed. He laid down, pulled the intricately-patterned covers over his head, and drifted off to a dreamless sleep. He just wanted to turn the world off.

For a while, he wouldn't have to think. By the time he woke up, the thought would be gone again.

And the servants wouldn't say anything.


End file.
